Next week is a big week around here. We have a family team
meeting for Monkey and SuperD’s permanency hearing where they will be requesting
a goal change to adoption.
Our agency actually has a family team meeting unit that facilitates these meetings. I think the players will be: hubby and me, M’s mom, M’s social worker, M’s siblings’ therapeutic foster parents and their agency social worker, maybe a therapist for those kids and possibly a supervisor from our agency. Plus the facilitators. Usually these meetings are only called when there is going to be a major transition on a case. This time, I think they are talking about requesting goal change to adoption at our May court date. As I’ve written, I have mixed feelings about this. M’s mama is so sweet and she loves her kids so much. I think this is one of those situations where the best she can do is just not enough to care for five small kids. And that breaks my heart for her and all the kids. But they still deserve permanency. I also am unsure how hard they’ll work to reunite M with her siblings in an adoptive home, or if they’ll really consider letting us keep her. I’ve been told they will, but I can’t imagine they won’t at least try to find a home that will take all five kids first. We get more attached to this little girl every day, though, and it is harder and harder to keep in mind that she has a family and it isn’t us.
SuperD’s court date should be interesting, too. As neither of his parents is in a position to even begin services to take him back, I can’t image the judge will deny a goal change to adoption. Stranger things have happened, though. SuperD’s therapist does not seem convinced it is a sure thing at all, and I know she’s seen a lot of crazy come out of the juvenile court system. Plus, his mama is a sweet talker (read: good liar and manipulative). Again, I don’t doubt her love for her kiddo. Just her ability to do what needs to be done so that she can care for him safely. We initially had high hopes for his dad, but that has not panned out either. We are still on the fence about adopting him ourselves. Hubby had said no, and that led to an emotional few days, but I’m not sure that’s still how he feels. If it is, I will continue to respect that decision. We do need to let the social worker know, though.
I find myself mentally gearing up this week for all of the emotions that next week will bring. I try not to think about it too much, and I haven’t been. But when I do think about it, it really hits me how much change the next few months will bring to our family. We could be on our way to having one, or even two, forever children. I can’t really let myself dwell on that scenario. Or we could be on our way to saying goodbye to two kids we love dearly. Or to just one of them, by our choice, which is a whole different kind of sadness and guilt. When my mind gets suck on all the possibilities, I try to meditate and pray a little (I’m not very religious, but foster care has certainly shown me what it is like to have faith in something you can’t control). I always wonder how other foster families prepare themselves for these times, for major transitions and stressful court dates.
I also try to refocus on the kids, to enjoy them while we have them. SuperD is asserting his independence in such funny ways. He’s always telling me something and then challenging me, “You know that, huh? You know that, Amanda?” He always wants to be the leader when we go for walks. Monkey is still a little physically behind, but she’s trying hard to learn to roll. She’s also delightfully drooly and really attempting to blow raspberries. I love it!!
I feel so grateful for the moments I get with these sweet kids. No matter what happens, these moments belong to me, to our family. I still rock Monkey to sleep at night because I can. I work on letters with SuperD and am excited that I get to be the person who teaches them. For now, I’m trying to stay in the moment and not obsess about the future.
Our agency actually has a family team meeting unit that facilitates these meetings. I think the players will be: hubby and me, M’s mom, M’s social worker, M’s siblings’ therapeutic foster parents and their agency social worker, maybe a therapist for those kids and possibly a supervisor from our agency. Plus the facilitators. Usually these meetings are only called when there is going to be a major transition on a case. This time, I think they are talking about requesting goal change to adoption at our May court date. As I’ve written, I have mixed feelings about this. M’s mama is so sweet and she loves her kids so much. I think this is one of those situations where the best she can do is just not enough to care for five small kids. And that breaks my heart for her and all the kids. But they still deserve permanency. I also am unsure how hard they’ll work to reunite M with her siblings in an adoptive home, or if they’ll really consider letting us keep her. I’ve been told they will, but I can’t imagine they won’t at least try to find a home that will take all five kids first. We get more attached to this little girl every day, though, and it is harder and harder to keep in mind that she has a family and it isn’t us.
SuperD’s court date should be interesting, too. As neither of his parents is in a position to even begin services to take him back, I can’t image the judge will deny a goal change to adoption. Stranger things have happened, though. SuperD’s therapist does not seem convinced it is a sure thing at all, and I know she’s seen a lot of crazy come out of the juvenile court system. Plus, his mama is a sweet talker (read: good liar and manipulative). Again, I don’t doubt her love for her kiddo. Just her ability to do what needs to be done so that she can care for him safely. We initially had high hopes for his dad, but that has not panned out either. We are still on the fence about adopting him ourselves. Hubby had said no, and that led to an emotional few days, but I’m not sure that’s still how he feels. If it is, I will continue to respect that decision. We do need to let the social worker know, though.
I find myself mentally gearing up this week for all of the emotions that next week will bring. I try not to think about it too much, and I haven’t been. But when I do think about it, it really hits me how much change the next few months will bring to our family. We could be on our way to having one, or even two, forever children. I can’t really let myself dwell on that scenario. Or we could be on our way to saying goodbye to two kids we love dearly. Or to just one of them, by our choice, which is a whole different kind of sadness and guilt. When my mind gets suck on all the possibilities, I try to meditate and pray a little (I’m not very religious, but foster care has certainly shown me what it is like to have faith in something you can’t control). I always wonder how other foster families prepare themselves for these times, for major transitions and stressful court dates.
I also try to refocus on the kids, to enjoy them while we have them. SuperD is asserting his independence in such funny ways. He’s always telling me something and then challenging me, “You know that, huh? You know that, Amanda?” He always wants to be the leader when we go for walks. Monkey is still a little physically behind, but she’s trying hard to learn to roll. She’s also delightfully drooly and really attempting to blow raspberries. I love it!!
I feel so grateful for the moments I get with these sweet kids. No matter what happens, these moments belong to me, to our family. I still rock Monkey to sleep at night because I can. I work on letters with SuperD and am excited that I get to be the person who teaches them. For now, I’m trying to stay in the moment and not obsess about the future.
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