Bittersweet

So, A & N came to visit. We had three amazing hours with them. It wasn’t long enough. DH and I both started crying the minute we hugged them and the tears didn’t stop until we said goodbye. Not sobbing or anything, but we would look at each other and get teary. I SO did not expect that kind of intense emotion. A didn’t really remember us, she was only 1 when they left, but she was so sweet and cute and funny. Poor N, though. She was 2 when the girls left 5 months ago, and I could see the confusion on her face. She was calling me Gigi, her name for me, by the end of the visit, but wasn’t calling DH Papa again. They had such a close bond during the time the girls lived with us, and I know it was hard for my poor husband that she didn’t have a strong reaction to him immediately.

N asked us if she could go play in “her room” and trotted down the hall to her old bedroom. We used words and phrases we thought would be familiar to them, but tried not to push memories on them. It was harder than I expected. We ended up taking them to the social services office for a visit with their mom. Their kinship placement, which was made permanent at this court date, picked them up and took them back to their new home in another state.I knew it would be hard to see them and say goodbye, but I didn’t expect the intensity of my love for them to be exactly the same. It was like they never left, for us. For the girls, I know it was different.

DH and I were pretty despondent the rest of the day. SuperD was on his best behavior when we picked him up at daycare that afternoon, so we had a nice evening at the park and watching a movie at home.I’m glad we saw them, but I don’t think we could handle seeing them all the time. Or maybe we could, maybe it would be easier if we could provide regular respite and babysitting for them. It was definitely the most bittersweet day I have had in a long time.