Friday, May 31, 2013


When we became foster parents, I swore we would have great relationships with the parents of our kids. We wanted to support them. We wanted the kids to go home. And then we got the kids, and I fell in love with them. Turns out, it is a whole lot easier to theoretically support people who have damaged children you love than it is to actually support them. And yet, hubby and I have stayed true to our ideals, having as good a relationship as possible (which is not always actually that great) with the parents of every little one we’ve cared for.

That was easy with A&N. Their parents weren’t in our state and we had infrequent contact. It has been harder with SuperD, but we’ve worked hard at it. I’m fortunate to have a great relationship with Monkey’s mom and dad. That said, because Monkey is a baby, our relationship has been limited to good communication during her twice-a-month visits.  We don’t do phone calls, obviously. But now I’m being asked to push it to the next level. Monkey’s mom is requesting a phone call on non-visit weeks, just for an update. And our social worker told her she could come with us to get Monkey’s ears pierced (which is happening at mom's request/insistence) if we were okay with it. Which I’m not, really, but since she spoke with Monkey’s mom and not me, I don’t feel like I have a choice.

What I do have is an opportunity. I can practice what I preached. I’m not thrilled about it. I’m not all that comfortable with it. But I’m also not this baby’s mom, much as I want to be, and I think more frequent contact will be a good reality check for me. And I do believe my support can and will make a difference in Monkey’s mom's life, which can ultimately only be good for baby girl. It's hard, but I'm choosing to love and respect the other mama who loves this little one as much as I do.

1 comment:

  1. It is so hard, but ultimately it is rewarding. Working with "Moose"'s parents terrified me at first, but in the end I was proud of overcoming my own fears and insecurities, and we somehow managed to co-parent the last month that he was in foster care. They didn't pursue a friendship with me post-reunification as I'd hoped, but at least we are facebook friends and I can see that the little guy is happy and loved.