Who Loves You?

SuperD finally started exhibiting some behaviors around all of our recent family changes. Last weekend he was kind of a nervous ball of anxiety, and nothing I did could get on top of the behaviors. Hubby warned his teacher Monday morning that the boy wasn’t at his best. Sure enough, SuperD spent that entire day yelling, being disrespectful and acting up in class. He got sent to the office several times, but no one called us. We didn’t find out until the next day, although SuperD announcing to me that “I listened today” should have been a dead giveaway that something was wrong.

Tuesday was better at school, but at home SuperD was a mess. That night at dinner, he said, “Amanda? I really really love you. And I love my mom. My other mom. And I love my dad. I really really love them.” He almost never speaks of his parents these days, and when he does it is always a memory triggered by an activity we’re doing. This was totally out of the blue.I suspect that the recent changes in our household (me returning to work, SuperD starting full-time summer school at a new school, hubby traveling a lot for work) and an upcoming traumaversary are triggering lots of big, confusing feelings in our little guy. If I’m not mistaken, at this time last year, SuperD and his caregiver were essentially homeless and couch surfing. August 20 will be the one year anniversary of his placement with us, so only 5 weeks from now. It’s a lot for me to process, letalone a 4 yo.

Cherub Mamma happened to post about a game she plays with her littles, the Who Loves You game, that ended up being the perfect way to help SuperD feel secure. That night at bedtime, we snuggled for a long time and I asked him if he was thinking about his mom and dad that day. He immediately curled into a ball and said that he really missed them and wanted to see him. We talked a lot about the connection between missing people and feeling sad, what we can do if we miss people/feel sad (talk to me or hubby, talk to or hug the cats, draw a picture of our feelings, etc.). I finished up by playing the Who Loves You game. He listed me, hubby, then mommy and daddy, then every other person he’s ever met and ended up in fits of giggles. We didn’t have any behavioral issues the rest of last week.

Interestingly, when I played Who Loves You a couple of days later, he did not mention mommy and daddy. I think this game will provide a lot of insight into when his parents are on his mind, which isn’t always easy to figure out. So excited to have this tool in my toolbox!