Mama Bear

As we get closer to being able to tell SuperD and our families about his impeding adoption (hubby insists we wait until after speaking with an adoption worker), I find myself getting more anxious about how our little guy is going to react. After all, the last few weeks have brought more and more disregulated chatter about his parents. He’s starting, after a whole year with us, to disclose information about life with his parents. And it’s not good. What I’m hearing is definitely bringing out the Mama Bear instincts in me.

It has been months since SuperD has had a real emotional outburst regarding his birth parents. I’ve felt for a while that something has been building, and last night it came out. He was going to bed almost an hour early after a whole evening of misbehavior. We didn’t change the bedtime routine, we just started it early. As usual, we crawled into bed to read books and sing our bedtime songs, but when it was time for hugs and kisses, my little man buried his head under the pillow and started sobbing about missing his Daddy D.

Lots of hugs and cuddles later, I finally started to tell him the truth about the situation. I basically told him that sometimes first mommies and daddies can’t keep kids safe and take care of them, even though they love them. Then they get second mommies and daddies who also love them, but can keep them safe and take care of them. This is the first time he’s ever been told that his parents couldn’t take care of him. The first six months he was with us, when we were in touch with his parents almost every day, they told him repeatedly that he would be coming home, they weren’t going to lose him, they would always be mommy and daddy, etc.

That was his story for so long that I’m truly afraid of what changing it at this point will mean. As excited as we are about adoption, I’m afraid it is going to break his heart. We finished the night by playing making a love sandwich with SuperD as the filling and two stuffed animals as the bread. There was lots of giggling and he woke up this morning happy and balanced, so hopefully his little mind is at peace for the time being.

This month marks 6 months since he’s talked to his birth father. Next month marks one year since he’s been in our home. September marks 6 months since he’s spoken to his birth mom. The Mama Bear in me is gearing up for life in trauma-versary land for a little while, but I know we’ll make it through and I can’t wait to help him heal.